Virtue through Vice–Addiction and Heaven

Just some thoughts on addiction and indulgence. This early afternoon, and I hope you’re doing well if you find yourself reading this, I want to lift these questions to your attention. Do your addictive habits bring you pleasure and does indulging in them (drugs, alcohol, gambling, hoes lol), have ultimate meaning? You might be tempted to answer yes to both, or at least one–how is it not pleasurable? Clearly we derive pleasure from our dive and bask. I want to temper those affirmations with the opposite, namely, no.

Here is why: On the first account, there is pleasure gained, in a now-in-that-moment-yet-later-elusive-sense. The pleasure is temporary; the maximum net happiness brings displeasure, in this way: when you are broke purchasing your hearts desires on credit give you access the things you want, however, the indebtedness that comes from having to pay this back with interest is of greater value (it costs more to pay it back than the things are worth). When we adhere to our addiction, we are taking a loan out on happiness. We will pay this back in full plus interest willingly or unwillingly. In addition to those immediate consequences: financial and physically, there are psychological and spiritual ramifications, just as with credit.

One the other account, the meaning behind or before taking that toke, imbibing that hit, churning that slot, etc (you know your shadow side and what happens when you step into it.) is some gratification. You’re seeking some release, alleviation, or heightening, some way to overcome a hurdle or mask a perceived deficiency. Then we must make a distinction between the means and the ends. The ends is release, alleviation, a height; the means is the method we use to achieve those ends.

We can immerse ourselves in the Good without stepping forward with the bad as a crutch or cheat and there is limitless potential for growth. An ancient Orthodox Christian belief (theosis), accounts that, as you live there is a conferral of grace from God that draws you into him and in this union you become more as he is. As God is perfect, there is no limitation to this growth into God. Similar ideas are held in other faiths and systems of beliefs. This is key however, the ends that you desire are achievable without shortcuts or loans; these things to the contrary hinder your growth. We are our own measure we can only grow out of ourselves into another or into a space with more grandeur, just as the inside of a house cannot be larger than it’s outside, so too, we are limited in ourselves and grow out into something higher than us (2 Peter 1:3).

Son of David Have Mercy on Me

My soul be shrouded in despair. A sheet hooded over my head, reflecting my unsettledness in the observable world. I’m rocking back and forth, mirroring the instability and restlessness of my spirit. Along with unsheathing and having daily grand stands with demonic maruders in my mind: in the now, past and future, I war without. I battle against people’s perceptions; I know I shouldn’t, but I’m a fool that way. Frustrating people who don’t understand with my “excuses and laziness” and appeasing friends by letting them believe they do. They so believe they do. They have the right answers. The quick fixes. Unconvinced of their ineptitude, because they’ve had inward bouts themselves and won with a little hard work and elbow grease.

There fundamental frameworks are all the same, enemy or ally, that humans don’t differ and mental handicaps only exist for those who look it, whose faces and heads have been malformed since birth. In the end, the will always wins. They would never command the chair bound to arise and walk, yet all I need is more will, more call to action, proving they don’t see physical and mental maladies the same. I’m unseen and misunderstood.

Every cry deafened by people’s lack of empathy, with their belief that I just am not trying hard enough…Laziness took my legs; ego encumbers me from above. On the metalevel, there is a third fight, one that wonders if they’re right and at the last, I am spent. Fighting battles on three fronts, help nought but pills, push ups, jokes and solitude–and checkins with more platitudes. Or maybe I’ve invited insensitive people to feast with me, because I’ve been taught by guardians to be insensitive to myself. Either way, I feel stupid and lazy writing these reflections. You have enough energy to make excuses but not repair your life. That’s what onlookers think, even if they tell me differently.

Lord, I am not worthy to have you under my roof but just say the word and your servant would be healed.

Thank you Lord for your grace; it is sufficient.

This was written a couple of years ago. God has seen me through. He is faithful and his faithful love endured forever. Glory to the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit. As it was, is now, and will be forever. Amen. Alleluia.